Alina
We have gathered here in person, and via Zoom, to commemorate and to celebrate the Life of Lorraine Larson who died on Friday morning October 29, 2021. Hello, I’m Alina, Lorraine’s granddaughter, but to me, she will always be Oma.
Many loving souls have expressed their sorrow for our loss: friends, distant cousins, neighbors, business acquaintances, hospice workers, the letter carrier, even friendly strangers; the list is long. Most of those same loving souls are with us today. Our family wishes you to know how much your expressions of love have meant to us. Your kind words, cards, flowers, a wind chime, a hug, a shared tear, and most of all: waiting patiently while we tried to regain some composure. Many of you have helped us organize this Memorial Celebration. These gestures of love, given with such sincerity and compassion, have touched our hearts and comforted us. We thank you.
Tom
Lorraine exhaled the last breath from her planetary body quietly and peacefully as she lay asleep in bed next to me. She was 87 years old; her last birthday was March 1, 2021. She had been diagnosed with vascular dementia 4 years before she died. Those 4 years were mostly fun for us, until the last few weeks.
Lorraine’s sister, Linda, had bid us all good night. My daughters, Julie and Laura, stayed downstairs to help Lorraine get into bed. During the few minutes that it took me to get into my side of the bed, Lorraine had fallen fast asleep. I wanted to go over some plans for the next day. So my daughters sat down on the floor next to my side of the bed, and we talked quietly, so as not to awaken Lorraine. We talked for an hour, maybe two, all the while each of us taking quick glances at Lorraine to see if she was ok. Finally, we were talked-out for the night; so after a last check on Lorraine, they went to bed upstairs, and I settled down with my kindle to read.
I awoke several times that night, and I saw Lorraine breathing quietly as she slept. When the first rays of sunlight came through the window, I woke up and saw her laying there peacefully, the sheet was still; there was no visible movement. I sensed that she was gone, but I was afraid (no, terrified!) to check. Instead, I wasted as much time as possible: I brushed my teeth, took a shower, shaved, got dressed; desperately hoping she would stir. When no more time-wasting was available to me, I checked her arm; it was cool and a little rigid. I called for Julie and Laura to come down quickly. Laura, being the nurse in our family, had to perform the horribly sad clinical tasks. As she worked, she started to sob, as did Julie and I. Linda was awakened and came down immediately. We all held each other and cried. The ladies’ night clothes and my t-shirt were soaked with tears, as was the bedsheet where Laura looked, in vain, for any sign of life within our sweet Lorraine. I texted Cati, telling her to hurry; Diane M and Ena were also called, as well as Kim and Fidel. Each person’s arrival started a new round of tears. So began a 4-day period of unbearable sorrow: non-stop weeping, heaving, and crying. I felt that I would be inconsolable for the rest of my life. That same evening, our granddaughters Alina and Rebecca jumped into a car with Phillip, Rebecca’s boyfriend, and they drove straight-through from Chicago to Chattanooga to grieve with us and to help with life’s daily needs as, together, we all attempted to heal our broken hearts.
During the last few months leading to Lorraine’s death, I had two essence-wishes: (1) that Lorraine would die in her sleep, and (2) that my girls and Linda would all be with me and Lorraine on that final day. Both of my essence-wishes were realized.
I am still struggling with grief, and I have a powerful longing to be with Lorraine, but I do not feel a sense of loss. Lorraine was never mine to lose; she shared her life with me every day by her own wish; she knew that she was in charge of her own life, at least until her last 2 years. Secondly, Lorraine shared more than 41years of her life with me; what a blessing! Oh, I want more, but don’t we all. The real loss for me would have been if I’d never met her! She did her work on this planet for 87 years, and she made her mark on me, on her family and friends, on the children she taught and their parents, on our tenants, on those who visited her gardens, those who took care of her, again, the list is long. I hope you, too, feel that you were blessed by having known her.
Hello, I’m Tom Zavala. I was Lorraine’s lover, best friend, husband, and partner for these past 41 years. Let’s pause now for some music.
Click->Hymn: Psalm 23, In the Arms of the Shepherd
Alina
About 15 years ago, Oma and Bopa (Lorraine and Tom) started to consider their End-of-Life attitudes and preferences, regarding which, Oma had some very definite ideas and opinions. When she broached the topic with Bopa, he agreed that it was important to consider these things. So they entered into a discussion that lasted several years, on-and-off. Eventually, they came to the conclusion that both of them would donate their remains to “science”, and that each wished to have a Celebration-of-Life Memorial Service attended by those who knew and loved them. Hopefully, the event would include food, drink, and music – maybe even dancing. However, the most important component would be a sense of joy among the participants, for having shared with them, however briefly, some gesture of mutual love or friendship. The planning and the details of the Celebrations would be entrusted to those who survived them.
So, let us celebrate Oma’s life, just as she wished! Welcome, everyone!
Click->Poem: Come, Come (Rumi, Islamic Mystic)
Tom
I met Lorraine nearly 50 years ago. As time passed, we became best friends and lovers. In 1980, on January 6, at the Wicker Park Lutheran Church, we married each other, with the understanding that we would share our lives as equal partners, that we would define our marriage according to our own shared personal values, and that we would continue to be lovers and best friends. That pact lasted the entire 41 years of our enormously happy, very satisfying, and most successful marriage-partnership. Ask anyone.
My life with Lorraine on this planet has ended, except for the memories, of which there are many. My broken heart is mending, but it is still very tender, and there is an ache that I doubt will ever be completely gone. This heartache that I feel as I remember Lorraine, although uncomfortable, is also accompanied by a sense of well-being and sublime satisfaction. So I assure you all, that I am in no way depressed; far from it, this is a Celebration! So, with this bitter-sweet sensation in my heart, I wish to share with you a few memories of my lover, my friend, and my precious wife.
Who was Lorraine Larson? Here’s a short sketch. She was very independent, her own person! She knew what she wanted, but she never expected others to provide for her. Lorraine also knew what she would, and would not, tolerate. Her heart was quietly loving and gentle, but she was no push-over; ask my daughters! Lorraine was level-headed, and she exuded common sense. On many occasions, she gently guided me away from foolhardy pursuits, always done with respect for my own sense of self-determination, never manipulative. Lorraine helped me appreciate fine things: cloth napkins, solid wood furniture, reading, handmade arts and crafts, doing some things slowly… another long list. We would have long conversations about anything and everything under the sun. She never wanted to change me; she accepted my idiosyncrasies, and helped me evolve naturally, according to my own potential. After she retired from teaching, she worked with retarded adults, and she fostered children in our home. She also volunteered at a hospital, and at a hospice facility. She grew up during the Great Depression, and the thought of someone going hungry repelled her; she volunteered at a community soup kitchen down the street from us in Chicago, and wherever we lived, she insisted that we donate generously to the local food pantry and homeless shelter.
Lorraine recognized a kind of “sisterhood of women”; she enjoyed being with other ladies, sometimes it was one-on-one with an old friend or a woman she recently met. She also enjoyed being in the company of a group of women, such as the monthly Ladies Tea here in Chattanooga. She once told me that when she was very young, she wanted to become a nun, and live within a community of women; she told me that, regrettably, she wasn’t a Catholic!
Lorraine had empathy and compassion for others; there were people that she did not admire, but she respected everyone. Regardless of her opinion of others, she was always able to put herself in their position. One evening we were talking about a tenant who was causing us problems; I became frustrated and angry. Lorraine understood my frustration; she even shared some of it. But seeing me so angry, she said to me “I would hate to have that woman’s life.” All of my anger immediately evaporated, and I teared up.
Here’s a little quirk about our life together: Lorraine chose to keep her last name when we got married, and I was fine with that. Over the years, as a result of having different last names, we fell into an occasional private communication in which she would say to me “I love you, Tom Zavala” or I would say to her “I love you, Lorraine Larson”. Every night during our last year together, as we got into bed, I would say to her “I love you, Lorraine Larson”, and she would respond with “I love you, Tom Zavala”. This custom continued until the last few weeks, when she no longer understood, and she ceased to respond, although she did smile at me. It was painful to see her slipping away, especially at night when I would wake up and look over at her to see if she was ok. Usually, she was sleeping peacefully, and I would say to her as she slept “I love you, Lorraine Larson”; somehow that comforted me.. go figure!
Loraine and I had very similar attitudes about religion and spirituality. We were both brought up in Christian traditions, Lorraine as a Lutheran and I as a Catholic. But as adults, and quite independent of each other, we ceased attending formal services at our respective churches, instead adopting for ourselves, as a guiding principle in our lives, what we considered to be Christ’s, most fundamental message of Resplendent Love. Although we were not church-goers, Lorraine and I respected the right of others to follow whatever path they chose, even Atheism. Lorraine never preached, and she seldom talked about religion, but she lived her “faith”, and it emanated from her. In my opinion, that is why everyone took to Lorraine immediately, even dogs! We did however attend Quaker meetings in Chicago, Atlanta, Ohio, New York, South Carolina, and here in Chattanooga. We found that we shared many values with them, and we appreciated their “service”, which eschewed preaching. We also liked their form of “worship”, which consisted primarily of sitting together in silence. BTW: they call themselves “Friends”. Perhaps you’ve seen the old black-and-white film with Gary Cooper called “Friendly Persuasion”, it’s a very nice story about a community of Quakers; I recommend it.
Our program today is peppered with elements from various religious traditions. We’ve already heard a song from the book of Psalms (the Judaic tradition) and a poem from Rumi, an Islamic Mystic. Here is a poem written by St. Teresa of Avila, a Catholic nun; it’s in Spanish, and set to 4-part harmony. I find the message comforting and the music beautiful!
Click->Nada te Turbe (St Teresa of Avila)
Laura
Hello, I’m Laura. Lorraine was my stepmother.
Here are a few more snippets about Lorraine. She loved a party; she never needed an excuse to invite family and friends over for music, conversation, and some good food. As many of you know, she would go out of her way for garage sales and thrift shops; I’ll bet that 90% of her wardrobe was acquired this way.
She liked to travel; she and Dad (Tom) took lots of trips. These included both short and long excursions around these beautiful United States, and many memorable trips to Lindo Mexico. How she loved Mexico, the warm and friendly Mexican people, and the delicious Mexican food! She did marry a Mexican, after all!
They also traveled to Europe, twice. Once, Dad was offered a contract that required a 3-week stay in Germany. Lorraine, overhearing the phone conversation, told Dad to accept the offer, and she immediately went upstairs to pack her bags. In the town of Bremerhaven in Germany there was a museum in which Lorraine found the record of her 18-year-old grandmother’s steamship passage, in steerage, when she left Germany in the 1880s for a new life, as an indentured servant to live in a barn with the cows as a milkmaid, in the United States. She also found a similar record for her grandfather. That was a very moving experience for her and Dad.
They once took an unforgettable week-long Caribbean Cruise, during which they were joined by lots of family. When the invitation to the cruise came, Dad said he wasn’t interested. Lorraine said “It’ll be fun; besides, I’m going with or without you!” Dad relented. After the first day on the ship, he became an instant convert; he couldn’t stop talking about how wonderful the cruise was! Don’t ask him about cruises, unless you have a few hours!
They took a trip to the Netherlands and stayed with their friend, Michaelle, who was living there with her daughter, Camille, in a town called Wassenaar. While they were in Holland, Michaelle threw a terrific party to celebrate Dad’s birthday and Camille’s high school graduation from the prestigious International Baccalaureate Program. Quite coincidently, their Dutch friend Rene de Vries from Atlanta was visiting his family near Wassenaar; so they spent a day sight-seeing with Rene and his family. A few days later, Dad received his 2nd degree Reike training from Rene’s mother Ely, who is a Reike master (3rd degree). As usual, Lorraine explored: the neighborhood, the local market, the churchyard, the cemetery. She would return and share with Dad all she had learned, it was like listening to a local historian. She soon found her way, on foot, to the beach of the North Sea. When she returned to Michaelle’s place, she invited Dad to the beach as though she were a local! How was she able to familiarize herself so quickly with new surroundings, and in a place where she didn’t speak the language? It must be genetic, her sister, Linda, is the same!
Lorraine had an insatiable curiosity for new ideas and things. She was fascinated by cell phones when they first came out; she was the first person in our family to get one! Lorraine would spend a year, maybe more, exploring and experimenting with a new craft or practice; Gardening, Quilting, Feng Shui, Painting, and Tai Chi are just a few. Gardening eventually became a life-long passion.
Alina
We created a website to help us memorialize and celebrate Oma’s Life. If you go there, you’ll see many of her Paintings and Quilts, and a few photos taken in her gardens. There are also photos of her over the years and other memorabilia, including a few pages from her journals. We discovered more than 2 dozen notebooks; no dark secrets there, just little snapshots of her daily life, some of her thoughts, and a few watercolor paintings. It was fun reading for us; you might enjoy a peek. We invite you to visit the website, and leave a remembrance or a comment if you wish.
Let’s take a few moments now to view some of Oma’s work.
Click->Gardens, Quilts, Paintings; featuring O Salutaris Hostia
Tom
Lorraine and I shared many experiences during our years together; most were joyful, some were hilarious, some were scarry, some were sad and poignant, and some bear no description at all! I’ll share a few examples with you.
Lorraine had a talent for creating what she called “environments”. Our many homes and her gardens were perfectly arranged to suit our life-style; I refer to something way beyond interior design, and even beyond Feng Shui. Her Montessori classroom was an environment perfectly made for those young insatiable explorers of life’s wonders! Every little learning station was a wordless invitation to a child: “Welcome! Be free to explore the magic of colors, or letters, or numbers, or ...”.
She once made an outdoor shower fed by a hose with sun-warmed water. It was hidden away just behind the shed outside the house of a farm we owned in Iowa. One summer day, I was showering there, and she took a picture of me; we came across it when we were selecting photos for this Celebration; although the photographic angle is tastefully artistic, we decided not to use it here. However, the photo is currently on display for a limited time in our kitchen on the fridge gallery; for the admission price of only 1 dime, you can see my butt before it got flabby!
Lorraine loved gardening! She created some of the most exquisite gardens I have ever experienced! I say “experienced”, because she made gardens that one could live in, dine in, talk in, meditate in, or simply be in! Her garden on Le Moyne in Chicago had a small arbor. In summer grape vines would twine themselves along the sides, and small clusters of grapes would hang from the top. There was a little meditation bench under the arbor, inviting one to sit. In front of that bench was a heptagon of landscape timbers; the interior was planted with soft, fragrant clover; Lorraine made it for me to practice yoga; a few feet beyond my yoga spot was a little pond rimmed with flagstones, over which water trickled from a hidden hose. The Salutation to the Sun was glorious in that spot. What a gift she had!
Julie
Hello, I’m Julie. Lorraine was my stepmother.
Here’s a fun story about how Lorraine’s wish to have her own garden initiated a life-long love affair with real estate. For more than a year Lorraine and Dad (Tom) had toyed with the idea of partnering-up, and buying a 2-unit building so that they could each have an apartment, and Lorraine could create her garden. This was before they got married. Fast-forward several months: It’s a bitter cold night, around 1:00 AM, in Chicago. After having some fun at a country music honky-tonk called Mr. Kiley’s, Lorraine and Dad were headed home to their apartments in Uptown. As they were crossing the icy alley behind Mr. Kiley’s, Lorraine slipped and broke her ankle, ouch! Very carefully, they made it to the car, and went to Illinois Masonic where they patched her up.
The result was that Lorraine was stuck at home in her 2nd floor apartment for six weeks. Fortunately, Lorraine’s dog, Goldie, was there to keep her company. Every day, Dad brought her food and drink and a newspaper; and he walked Goldie while the 3 of them waited for Lorraine’s ankle to mend. Having nothing to do all day, Lorraine combed through the newspaper for a 2-unit building with a back yard. Only she and Goldie knew about this search. Goldie was Dad’s pal, but she was apparently sworn to secrecy; so Dad was kept completely in the dark! Lorraine’s ankle finally healed, so she and Goldie started to actually look at properties; the whole while, Dad remained in the dark! After work one evening, Dad stopped-in to see Lorraine. She smiled happily as she told him that she had found the perfect property, and that she had already signed an offer to purchase it. Dad was shocked and horrified! “Are you out of your mind?” She replied: “Nope; the deal is contingent on your approval. Come see it with me. If you don’t like it, we can cancel the deal, but I think you’ll like it.”
A certain Mrs. Z owned that 100-year-old brick Victorian building. Lorraine told Mrs. Z that her home was exactly what she was looking for, and that she wanted to create a garden. In an instant, that sweet old Polish lady fell in love with Lorraine (nothing new there!). Mrs. Z told the real estate agent that she wanted to sell the property to Lorraine, and she lowered the price by $1,000 (she had listed it at $18,000)! Well, Lorraine and Dad each put $2,000 down, and bought the place from Mrs Z. Within 2 years, Lorraine had created a beautiful garden there, her first of many.
They had lots of adventures in that old building, including their first plumbing repair. They wanted to install a new faucet in the kitchen sink on the 2nd floor, so they went to the local hardware store and bought a nice-looking faucet. Lorraine suggested that they find a plumber to install it, but Dad thought he would save $75 and do it himself. When he got under the sink, he saw that those old lead pipes were soldered together, and that the curves were hand-molded and soldered to fit the faucet exactly: no threaded caps, elbows, or fittings of any kind. Again, Lorraine suggested that they wait until Monday and call a plumber. Dad said “OK, hon, I’ll just straighten-out this crooked pipe while I’m under the sink”.
Bad idea! It took less than 1 second for Dad to rupture the cold water feed! Water was spewing all over the place, and they did not know where the shut-off was! Murphy’s Law reigned supreme as they realized it was a Saturday evening! Thank goodness for Bill M who came to their rescue that evening. He found the water shut-off, and plugged that seemingly-unstoppable fountain of water!
Tom
As a postscript, I'll add this: at the time we purchased that house, I thought the neighborhood, called Bucktown, was a bit “questionable”. Little did I know that within a few short years, Bucktown would become one of the most sought-after neighborhoods in Chicago! Julie purchased that place from us some years later. She lives there even now, and she has created her own beautiful garden.
All that talk of water reminds me that Lorraine had to live near “big water”: a lake, a river, an ocean, at minimum, a pond or stream. It may seem a bit corny, but Lorraine really did love walking barefoot on the beach, and I loved it simply because she was with me.
Click->Poem: Love to Walk with You (Adapted from a poem by Rumi)
I recall an evening, a few months before Lorraine died: she and I were in bed; she was already asleep. It had been a not-so-good day for her, and it made me consider that possibly (no, probably!) in the near future our life together was going to end. This saddened me, and I wept for a few minutes. In the morning Lorraine had bounced back! Cati and I were much relieved. Nevertheless, I called Laura for some medical advice, one of many such calls I made during the years of Lorraine’s decline. As usual, Laura was honest, but tender with me. She said that with time, it will get worse, but that I should focus on this good day and enjoy it. Later, when Julie did her daily check-in, I told her about the prior bad day and the bounce back in the morning. Julie similarly advised that I should be happy about the good day. So all 3 of us, Cati, Lorraine, and I enjoyed the good day!
At one point, Lorraine asked if I was Tom, and I said “Yes, I’m Tom, your husband.” She laughed, saying “Of course, you are Tom, but I’m not married! Am I?” We discussed it a bit until she agreed that perhaps we were married. She then asked Cati “What’s your name?” “Cati.” she replied. Lorraine pronounced Cati’s name a few times; then she crooked her finger at Cati and pointed to her own cheek with the same finger. “Come, give me a kiss.” she said. Cati gave her a kiss on the cheek. Lorraine said “Danke!” then she gave Cati a fingertip air kiss (mwah!). “Danke” is the German word for “Thank you” During her last 3 years, Lorraine would say “Danke” instead of “Thank you”, and she would follow that with a fingertip air kiss. This became a “signature” gesture for her; no matter who, no matter where, everyone was thanked that way. More about this shortly.
Later that same day, Alexa was playing a Barry Manilow tune called Weekend in New England. The lyrics and the music affected me strongly, causing me to choke up and weep. It describes that sense of being newly in love. Two people shared a weekend in New England. Perhaps they had just met. Lorraine and I have shared nearly 50 years, but in my heart, it has been a short, but magical weekend in New England. Let’s look at some photos of two beings who fell in love anew every day.
Click->Lorraine and Tom; featuring Weekend in New England
Laura
A few hours after Lorraine died, two very nice people from the Genesis Legacy came to take her body away. They gave us all the time we needed for our final goodbyes, after which it was suggested that everyone go into the living room while they took her away. Tom did as suggested, but we ladies remained. As her body was wheeled out of the house we touched her one last time, and said “Danke!” followed by a fingertip air kiss…
[At this point, those in attendance (locally and online) shared their personal stories, thoughts, and feelings about Lorraine. Some of the remembrances were funny, some were serious, some were sad, but all were loving tributes to Lorraine.]
Tom
I will share with you one last, somewhat personal, story about Lorraine’s artistry in creating and orchestrating a powerful and indelible experience, using ordinary things and everyday situations. This was one of many such experiences that I was privileged to share with her; it may surprise you.
At one time, we owned some acreage on the other end of Lookout Mountain, in Mentone, Alabama; it was tucked away in the middle of nowhere, the nearest neighbor being several miles away. It had a little house with a wrap-around porch and deck, that overlooked a 1-acre pond. The property had lots of woods with wild blackberries growing along little rivulets of water. There were clearings where we imagined houses could be built for family and friends should they wish to join us. In short, it was idyllic! Lorraine loved it there, and so did I. We would go there, our private hide-away, to escape the hectic life in Atlanta.
I don’t recall if it was spring or summer, but it was a warm day; I arrived at dusk, nearly exhausted from struggling with Atlanta traffic. Lorraine had driven there a day or two before that. She was out on the deck behind the house just sitting there in a house coat, enjoying the view of the woods and listening to the bullfrogs that were starting to croak around the pond. I showered and changed into some comfortable clothes while she uncorked a bottle of the local version of 2-buck-chuck. I suggested a finger salad for our dinner; it’s a family favorite. She said that was a great idea, and she went out to the deck with the wine and some glasses to wait for me. As I was tossing the romaine leaves, I became entranced by the noisy bullfrogs and the darkening sky. Lorraine broke my trance when she called to me to bring the salad out to the deck so we could look at the Milky Way, while we listened to the bullfrogs. It had gotten quite dark, and as I walked out onto the deck, I saw that Lorraine had placed a few lit candles on the railing near an area on the deck where she had arranged some blankets for us. The candle light dispelled the dark just enough so that we could see, but not so much that it hampered the grand view of the stars overhead. I was transfixed by the simplicity and loveliness of this scene as it drew me into itself and immediately created within me an equally simple understanding that all this was done for some unknowable higher purpose, and that I and my salad had an important part to play here. Lorraine was standing at the railing with a glass of wine in her right hand; she saw my reaction and smiled. Using the hand that held her wine glass, she pointed to my wine on the railing and invited me to lay down with her on the blankets and look up at the stars. Lorraine had created a small make-shift table on the deck just to my right; I set the salad bowl on it, reached for my wine, and got down on the blankets. Just before she lay down to join me on the blankets, she removed her house coat.
Oh my! There she was, exactly as God had created her, willing and anxious to participate in the most joyful celebratory dance of all living beings, under a heaven full of stars, in concert with those bullfrogs; and I was invited to be her partner!
I miss you and long for you, Lorraine; but I cherish this longing; it reminds me of how, for nearly 50 years, you willingly shared your being with me, and I am grateful to have shared those years with you. Our life together was a too-too-brief weekend in New England, but the quality of our togetherness created a foreverness. I love you, Lorraine Larson! Danke! [MWAH]
Click->Lorraine and Loved Ones; featuring A Song for You
Alina
This concludes the formal portion of our Celebration. Thank you all for participating in this Memorial Celebration of the Life of Lorraine Larson. Those of you who are here in person are invited to join us for some food and drink and continued fellowship; please take some time to visit the various displays of Oma's handcrafts and photos. To those of you who joined us on Zoom, we bid you farewell.
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